Im the mum now.

As I was driving my drunken brother, his girlfriend and their mates home at 10pm last night I pondered aloud

“Isn't this the sort of thing mum (my mum,Karen) should be doing?”

My brother (Steven, but we only ever call him Stevie,which I'm not sure if he likes since he is now 24 ) replied

“Nah, mum wont do anything anymore,you're the mum now”

 

Which I guess I am.

 

So,why you ask, did I pick him up? Well because

a) Im just that nice :)

b) one of his mates works at the ultrasound clinic, and is not only getting me in to see the specialist at my next appointment, but  is also getting me some 3D and 4D pictures!

 

So, although the bleeding continues ( want to hear a funny story? Sent hubby to stock up on pads for me –sorry but its part of the story- and he came home with adult NAPPIES! I may have had 5 kids, but am not quite there yet!) and I feel pretty tired and worn out  I feel pretty  confident today:)

and I also cant help but think that OF COURSE the bean will stay, how could she? not when there is so many people waiting for her!and praying for her! and thinking of her! ( at the next ultrasound the 3D will pick up if its a definite her or not).

(Yes , being overtired makes me slightly hyper)

Did you guess who had the red mohawk?

Fatboy,naturally. Dont worry, it was just hairspray left over from the girls crazy hair day. It was the last day of school here on Friday, now they have 2 weeks holidays. I have  forgotten 3 times, having already got the uniforms ready, bought school food when getting groceries, and reminded Dakota that she had to go to bed early tonight because its a school night.

I love this one, even though you cant see his face properly.

and here's Dakota and Rani (Jai was inside refusing coloured  hairspray)

and

as promised…..

how giant do I look! And I love it:) Stay put bean, just stay put! Because there is cute clothes waiting :)

and lots of people who want to see you!

Sometimes,you gotta chuck a tanty.

Well, i actually do not feel too bad right now surprisingly.

But if you were in Ipswich shopping centre today, and saw a pregnant lady crying behind her sunnies, that was me.

I picked up the ultrasound results.

And it is completely different to what they told me.

I dont know WHY they would tell me what they did!

I have not 1, but 2 haematomas.

1 is 7mls (considered medium) near the cervix.

The other, above the gestational sac, is not 15mls, as THEY TOLD ME,

it is 161mls.

One hundred and sixty one.

I think I felt numb.

So, after my fight-back-tears-woman you're in the middle of the shopping centre moment…

I went and bought a maternity dress.

And 2 teeny-tiny oh-so-girly outfits.

Then I came home and rang the doctor (our family doctor,hubbys for his whole life and mine for the last 15 years) and was told I could not get an appointment until the 28th of September!

I ‘chucked a tanty’ as my hubby says the kids do.

They squeezed me in on Monday( 3 days away).

Sometimes, you GOTTA chuck a tanty.

I actually took lots of photos today.And I wanted to respond to what some of you said last post( thanks for the websites-I am hungry for info, and some were REALLY helpful, and the stories, and Sassy, i will write you an email very soon) But I am so tired right now, and me and the bean are going to leave the girls watching 17 Again and go to bed. I will post the pics in the morning though ( Someone had a bright red mohawk today-guess who?) ( and I look HUGE in my new dress) (and the teeny-tiny outfits are oh-so-adorable) but all I can manage right now is

goodnight,love to all xxx

Good news/bad news, or, nowhere near wordless Wednesday

The good news is, the bean looks great. Big fat belly,nice head and heartbeat, looking very chilled with arms behind head. At the moment, they are saying its a girly bean, but maybe a little early to tell. They are putting me at 15weeks 3 days, instead of the 17weeks 3days my dates suggest, but bean is growing fine since last ultrasound.

The bad news. Ugh. I always think its bad when they say “let me just get Dr so-and-so to have a look”. The haematoma  has gone from 15mls to 150mls, making it large instead of the medium it was. You can see it, sitting right over the entire top of the placenta.  And they cant or wont reassure me, only saying “ They are USUALLY fine, they USUALLY go away, there is USUALLY no risk to the baby.”

I feel so ? strange. I just cant relax. And cant find much on google, 1 awful website gave the odds of a healthy normal pregnancy a 46% chance, which doesnt comfort me much.And a few said if the haematoma gets too big, it can cause the placenta to separate, causing premature labour.

So, now what? More waiting and praying and hoping. Another ultrasound in 4 weeks, and a hospital appointment ( just booking in, they are seeing me earlier than usual because of the bleeding, but I am hoping they will be able to give me more information)

I wanted SO much to go straight out and buy baby clothes, now I STILL feel like ill be jinxing it. My mum bought me a teeny-tiny tie-dyed purple jumpsuit though, i so hope we will be dressing the bean in it next year.

Thankyou, again,always,forever for your messages. Im in tears at the thought that there is so many people that care for me and my bean, that there is people on the other side of the world praying for me and the bean today/tonight, love to you all xxxx

Dear Bean

Dear Bean,

please stay. We love you so much …

Love Mummy

 

the bleeding started again last night. I was so excited about this ultrasound, now i am terrified. please think of the bean today…

Thinking about…

Thinking about…….

the second ultrasound tomorrow, including a check on the horrid peri-sac heamatoma…

 

Thinking about……..

seeing the bean again!

 

Thinking about……

the sad fact I did not mention Fatboy has not had a breastfeed for 3 whole days.

 

Thinking about……..

when Fatboy was born.

Thinking about…….

far-away blogging friends that mean the world to me:)

 

Thinking………

pink suitcase

(baby girls clothes)???

or red suitcase

(baby boys clothes)???

Rest assured, ill be straight on tomorrow afternoon to let you all know if my sweet bean is okay:) Fingers crossed xxx

Darwin- its a 2 Litre beer

that was the gift I presented my husband with. A  2Litre beer. He was thrilled:)

After visiting my doctor , who assured me ‘Yep, you can fly if you want’  the boys and I got on a (4 hour ) flight and headed to Darwin. It was hot. Really hot. And even though we arrived at 2am, it was hot.

We squeezed in a few hours sleep, and later that day, headed to Litchfield. the boys had an absolute ball, as did I with Sonny (nope, not fixed, I am sending him off his week, as it can ‘take up to 6 weeks’ and I wanted to take him to Darwin.)

It was so gorgeous, and peaceful ( well until the boys started racing leaves, sticks and shoes)

Jai, being the boy that he is, had to jump off the edge about 100 times, my sisters boyfriend and Jacob all too happy to catch him…over…and over…

We spent a fair amount of time sitting around ( haha) and I finally watched Australia (you know, with Nicole Kidman), which wasn't too bad. We also went and saw the ‘Jumping Crocs’ … As soon as you get on the boat, you are greeted by this

just waiting patiently beside you. They get these crocs to jump up out of the water for a piece of meat . It was freaking me out that they were just swimming around the river!

We are on this little tin boat, all hanging over 1 side, and the crocodiles are doing this

Does this seem CRAZY to anyone else?Also crazy? The fact that the tour guide dude let JAI drive the boat (okay, he didn't do too badly until the crazy 180 turn).. So somewhere, there is tourists (including one dare-I-say really really slightly annoying American couple) with pictures of the ‘crazy Aussies’ who let kids drive boats.

 

And the final night, we watched the sunset on the beach, people applauded. Seriously. Applauded. 

After a 4 hour flight home (at 1:45am) I slept for about 2 days.

***On a bean note- I feel much more secure the last day or so. Im not sure why, but am all of a sudden feeling confident that the bean is fine.( and it may be my imagination, but did I feel that tiny tap-tap a day or so ago??)  The bleeding stopped about 3 days ago, I have another ultrasound in 2 days, all fingers and toes crossed. ( Im also going for a 3D ultrasound!

I am going to watch The Business Of Being Born tonight, homebirth is crossing my mind. Is that totally crazy??? ***

Excuses,excuses….

Im still here. With more excuses as to why I havent been here… Still preggers. 16weeks and 1 day to be exact. Still bleeding. And when I say bleeding, I mean literally pouring blood sometimes… I so want to be happy, excited, blogging about the bean every day, but just cannot relax. Aaaah bean,  I want you so badly, must you scare me this much?? And i think because I lost my last baby at about this stage, I am walking on eggshells even more so. 

 

((and so far my least   fave comment when announcing my pregnancy??? “Oh No” Its comments like that that make me so ANGRY /DEPRESSED. WHY would you say that????))

Anyway, Im starting over.. the amount of blogs I have to catch up on is overwhelming, and at the moment i just want to curl up with my babies not answer the phone, or even turn the computer on. Which in turn, makes me feel guilty. So ill just start from today… and please know that all of you mean so much to me, your comments and prayers, i guess i feel like ill be jinxing the bean if I talk about him/her.

I have another ultrasound next week, I have been to the doctor, who assured me that the bleeding cant hurt the bean, but how can I be excited about being pregnant when Im still constantly buying pads?

Kimber, i miss you, and will email you later ..  I am an awful awful other side of the world friend, i am so self involved/bean involved at the moment, but I am thinking of you often. xxx

In other, non-bean/ depressed me news, the boys and I just got back from Darwin, a visit to Jais beloved godfather, and my gorgeous mate, Jacob.. I needed the break, and have many photos to blog later. And only spent 80% of the time bleeding, and only 1 night crying ( thanks for listening Jake) …

So there it is, more excuses. If you are a new follower, please introduce yourself (again) and ill follow you too, and my old faithful followers, i hope you can understand.. I truly was dreaming about getting pregnant and blogging it all, but its not the final, dream, trouble free pregnancy I envisioned.