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Friday, September 21, 2012



Sometimes its hard to know if I'm doing a good job. You know, as a mother. I mean there's no rules, and all I can do is my best. Overcoming feelings of inadequacy has always been part of my life. Mainly i wonder,why do people think I should i be doing more?




I'm struggling with the whole photography thing, Ill be honest. It used to be the love of my life,and i do still love capturing everything, but i get the camera out less and less. If i want to be a photographer, do i have to accept every job that comes my way? Do all the jobs i have no interest in? Its true that I love taking photos of my friends children, but after the  wedding I did on the cheap and never got payed for, then got abused because I refused to hand over more photos, I've become, well, disillusioned.

And you know, I'm busy. Flat out entertaining Luka and Eden all day and trying to keep the house clean. Is it bad that Im so anal about the house? 6 kids and an inside dog take about 5 minutes to trash the place and all day to clean up after. But am I wrong? Should I be doing amazingly well and getting jobs every week? Because I’m not.

Should Luka be in Kindy? Should Eden be weaned by now? { Ill admit I don't care in the slightest about this and respond with a wholehearted NO but man am I sick of people whining about it} Should we move so the kids can have their own rooms {again, i think No but why is it so hard to speak my mind?}

Should I be wanting to work by now, is it bad that I'm more than content just staying home with the kids? Should I be thinner, have better clothes { Eden has 47 outfits, I have about 3} care more about better clothes? And makeup? Is it awful that we rent and I have given up on ever buying a house of our own? Should I be telling Simon to get another job, rather than sticking it out with his current employer,continuing with the union strike, battling for the payrise, losing hours and money. Everyone has their opinion.

More. Its always about doing more.



{ Please take no notice of her grubby shirt, proof I rarely stage my photos haha}

Im trying my hardest. Honestly, I tell myself the kids are still little, I can work when Eden starts school {oh I will be a sobbing mess} but I cant deal with people telling me what I should be doing. Im 32 you know? When does it stop- the criticism I mean? The feeling of having to live up to someone's expectations ? Is it just me, maybe a lingering symptom of depression?

I love my life. But why isnt my life good enough for so many people?



{ I swear the next post wont be so depressing}


* yes I know, the photos have nothing at all to do with the text. But hey, I havent posted photos for aaaaaages!}