20 weeks (and a few days)

How far along? 20 weeks

Total weight loss/gain? um, gained about 5kgs in about 3 weeks! I have visions of getting to 30 weeks and just being an elephant!

Maternity clothes? Still need maternity bras, the old ones were fine until Fatboy stopped breastfeeding, now my bras are complaining. A lot. Mostly fitting into my old clothes, Im at that ‘maybe she's pregnant,maybe just chubby’ stage.

Sleep? Still falling asleep before 8:30pm every night. Have been waking up when hubby gets home at 2am, I usually get up and we talk for a while, then Im back to bed until 5am when Fatboy decides to get up.

Best moment this week? She is always on the move when she hears her brothers playing:) And I can see my belly moving when she kicks now too! And………….. no bleeding for almost 2 weeks!

Movement? Yes,yay!!!

Food cravings? iceblocks,still, and had to have ‘something crunchy on the outside and soft in the middle’ Settled for gumballs:)

Gender? Girl!!

Labour signs? No ..

Belly button in or out? In.

Stretch marks? Um, yeah… I may just leave this question out from now on,haha.

What I miss? My toes, cant see them anymore. And sleeping with Fatboy. Decided that we should have at least a few months on our own in bed before bean arrives. Fatboy has moved (with no complaints at all ) to a toddler bed in our room.

What I am looking forward to? Enjoying the next (almost) 20 weeks. And shopping for my baby girl (grin)

Weekly Wisdom? Buy a body pillow. I love mine, but hubby does complain that it takes up almost as much room as a person:)

Milestones? I'm halfway there! And girlie bean is going so well! And my hematomas are gone/going. I've stopped bleeding! Bean is so active! So many milestones, so much to be thankful for!

* picture later, maybe my WW, I meant to post this Saturday,and Jais b’day post on Sunday. It was a busy/stressful week*

Letters of Intent

Courtesy of Julie, over at Foursons. Join in!

Dear Creators of Cosmopolitan Pregnancy,

First, let it be known it has been almost 3 (gasp) years since I have bought a pregnancy magazine. But I was slightly shocked to pay over $13. (Okay , maybe I'm just a cheapskate).

The thing that sprang to mind when I started reading was “Oh wow, there's so many lingerie adds in here” I mean, I am not opposed to lingerie but now that I am preggers, am I meant to have lots MORE lingerie than I would normally? Frankly, Im already considering moving into my favourite pregnancy underwear, mens undies. Comfort and extra support, I feel they are truly an undiscovered blessing. And yet, mentioned nowhere in your magazine.

And the fashion. I realise that the maxi-dress is, once again (or still-thankyou Nicole Richie) in fashion. But does that mean that every single pregnant woman has to wear them? In case you are not aware, it gets hot, real hot, here in Australia and the thought of spending the summer sweating from my boobs to my feet is not one I cherish.

There is the jeans though. The $260 dollar jeans. Really? $260? For maternity jeans? I wore my normal jeans unbuttoned, with a long shirt or my belly belt over the giant gap. Didn't cost me $260.

Lets move on. To the prams*. Should I feel like a bad mother because your prams, ranging in price from $800 to about $3000, seem like a totally unnecessary expense? The most I have spent on a pram is $200, and no one ever complained. We hardly even used it!

I have saved my biggest complaint until last,however. Of all the women you interviewed, in the entire magazine, every single one said “ I have been very lucky and have NO stretchmarks at all” OH WOW. REALLY?? Where is the woman saying “ I look as though I have been attacked by a bear or similar wild animal, none of those creams helped, I look as though silver slugs have crawled all over my body!” WHERE WERE THOSE WOMEN??

In closing, I don't think Ill buy another pregnancy magazine, because frankly, I'm onto #6 and don't really need your advice anyway.

Yours faithfully (well no, not really).

Mummy of almost 6 monsters.

* pram= stroller. Apparently, we make up our own words.

In which I declare I am sick of being stressed

So Im not going to.. Stress that is. Easier said than done, but I realised I am almost halfway through this, my final, pregnancy, and have not really enjoyed a second of it. So, bugger it, Im going to be a happy pregnant lady.

*if you were at Lowood IGA today, that was me gazing at my belly in the reflective windows.Sorry*

Well, bean  update. Doctors visit. Pointless. Quote “ Its not really our area”

Hospital visit. I weigh 64.9kgs, which means in 16+ weeks I have LOST 3.1kgs. Dont stress. Breathe. Beans heartbeat all good, love that whooshing heartbeat, and I could hear mine in the background, it was kinda nice hearing both at once:) But again, midwife could not give me any information.

So, countdown 2 weeks 6 days until next ultrasound, then another hospital visit, where I get to see a doctor who will be able to give me some information. Of course, after the hike up the hill to my car after hospital visit ( Ipswich Hospital, you should be appalled at the parking at the hospital!) I was pouring blood. Again. 

But my feet are disappearing.

I couldn't be happier.

 

In other, non bean news,we had a crazy dust storm yesterday. I woke up to clear blue skies, by 10am, it looked like this.

The kids are all home,  ( Julie, they have school all year round, 2 week breaks in March, June and September, and 6 weeks off over December/January) so we stayed shut-in all day. Even inside you could taste the dust. I have been cleaning up this thick, red dust all day, but took time out to join every other Australian writing ‘Wash Me’ on their cars!

(we aren't allowed to wash the cars until the weekend, because of the water restrictions we have here)

And just cos Fatboy is adorable, and he made me laugh!

Im the mum now.

As I was driving my drunken brother, his girlfriend and their mates home at 10pm last night I pondered aloud

“Isn't this the sort of thing mum (my mum,Karen) should be doing?”

My brother (Steven, but we only ever call him Stevie,which I'm not sure if he likes since he is now 24 ) replied

“Nah, mum wont do anything anymore,you're the mum now”

 

Which I guess I am.

 

So,why you ask, did I pick him up? Well because

a) Im just that nice :)

b) one of his mates works at the ultrasound clinic, and is not only getting me in to see the specialist at my next appointment, but  is also getting me some 3D and 4D pictures!

 

So, although the bleeding continues ( want to hear a funny story? Sent hubby to stock up on pads for me –sorry but its part of the story- and he came home with adult NAPPIES! I may have had 5 kids, but am not quite there yet!) and I feel pretty tired and worn out  I feel pretty  confident today:)

and I also cant help but think that OF COURSE the bean will stay, how could she? not when there is so many people waiting for her!and praying for her! and thinking of her! ( at the next ultrasound the 3D will pick up if its a definite her or not).

(Yes , being overtired makes me slightly hyper)

Did you guess who had the red mohawk?

Fatboy,naturally. Dont worry, it was just hairspray left over from the girls crazy hair day. It was the last day of school here on Friday, now they have 2 weeks holidays. I have  forgotten 3 times, having already got the uniforms ready, bought school food when getting groceries, and reminded Dakota that she had to go to bed early tonight because its a school night.

I love this one, even though you cant see his face properly.

and here's Dakota and Rani (Jai was inside refusing coloured  hairspray)

and

as promised…..

how giant do I look! And I love it:) Stay put bean, just stay put! Because there is cute clothes waiting :)

and lots of people who want to see you!

Sometimes,you gotta chuck a tanty.

Well, i actually do not feel too bad right now surprisingly.

But if you were in Ipswich shopping centre today, and saw a pregnant lady crying behind her sunnies, that was me.

I picked up the ultrasound results.

And it is completely different to what they told me.

I dont know WHY they would tell me what they did!

I have not 1, but 2 haematomas.

1 is 7mls (considered medium) near the cervix.

The other, above the gestational sac, is not 15mls, as THEY TOLD ME,

it is 161mls.

One hundred and sixty one.

I think I felt numb.

So, after my fight-back-tears-woman you're in the middle of the shopping centre moment…

I went and bought a maternity dress.

And 2 teeny-tiny oh-so-girly outfits.

Then I came home and rang the doctor (our family doctor,hubbys for his whole life and mine for the last 15 years) and was told I could not get an appointment until the 28th of September!

I ‘chucked a tanty’ as my hubby says the kids do.

They squeezed me in on Monday( 3 days away).

Sometimes, you GOTTA chuck a tanty.

I actually took lots of photos today.And I wanted to respond to what some of you said last post( thanks for the websites-I am hungry for info, and some were REALLY helpful, and the stories, and Sassy, i will write you an email very soon) But I am so tired right now, and me and the bean are going to leave the girls watching 17 Again and go to bed. I will post the pics in the morning though ( Someone had a bright red mohawk today-guess who?) ( and I look HUGE in my new dress) (and the teeny-tiny outfits are oh-so-adorable) but all I can manage right now is

goodnight,love to all xxx

Good news/bad news, or, nowhere near wordless Wednesday

The good news is, the bean looks great. Big fat belly,nice head and heartbeat, looking very chilled with arms behind head. At the moment, they are saying its a girly bean, but maybe a little early to tell. They are putting me at 15weeks 3 days, instead of the 17weeks 3days my dates suggest, but bean is growing fine since last ultrasound.

The bad news. Ugh. I always think its bad when they say “let me just get Dr so-and-so to have a look”. The haematoma  has gone from 15mls to 150mls, making it large instead of the medium it was. You can see it, sitting right over the entire top of the placenta.  And they cant or wont reassure me, only saying “ They are USUALLY fine, they USUALLY go away, there is USUALLY no risk to the baby.”

I feel so ? strange. I just cant relax. And cant find much on google, 1 awful website gave the odds of a healthy normal pregnancy a 46% chance, which doesnt comfort me much.And a few said if the haematoma gets too big, it can cause the placenta to separate, causing premature labour.

So, now what? More waiting and praying and hoping. Another ultrasound in 4 weeks, and a hospital appointment ( just booking in, they are seeing me earlier than usual because of the bleeding, but I am hoping they will be able to give me more information)

I wanted SO much to go straight out and buy baby clothes, now I STILL feel like ill be jinxing it. My mum bought me a teeny-tiny tie-dyed purple jumpsuit though, i so hope we will be dressing the bean in it next year.

Thankyou, again,always,forever for your messages. Im in tears at the thought that there is so many people that care for me and my bean, that there is people on the other side of the world praying for me and the bean today/tonight, love to you all xxxx

Dear Bean

Dear Bean,

please stay. We love you so much …

Love Mummy

 

the bleeding started again last night. I was so excited about this ultrasound, now i am terrified. please think of the bean today…

Thinking about…

Thinking about…….

the second ultrasound tomorrow, including a check on the horrid peri-sac heamatoma…

 

Thinking about……..

seeing the bean again!

 

Thinking about……

the sad fact I did not mention Fatboy has not had a breastfeed for 3 whole days.

 

Thinking about……..

when Fatboy was born.

Thinking about…….

far-away blogging friends that mean the world to me:)

 

Thinking………

pink suitcase

(baby girls clothes)???

or red suitcase

(baby boys clothes)???

Rest assured, ill be straight on tomorrow afternoon to let you all know if my sweet bean is okay:) Fingers crossed xxx

Darwin- its a 2 Litre beer

that was the gift I presented my husband with. A  2Litre beer. He was thrilled:)

After visiting my doctor , who assured me ‘Yep, you can fly if you want’  the boys and I got on a (4 hour ) flight and headed to Darwin. It was hot. Really hot. And even though we arrived at 2am, it was hot.

We squeezed in a few hours sleep, and later that day, headed to Litchfield. the boys had an absolute ball, as did I with Sonny (nope, not fixed, I am sending him off his week, as it can ‘take up to 6 weeks’ and I wanted to take him to Darwin.)

It was so gorgeous, and peaceful ( well until the boys started racing leaves, sticks and shoes)

Jai, being the boy that he is, had to jump off the edge about 100 times, my sisters boyfriend and Jacob all too happy to catch him…over…and over…

We spent a fair amount of time sitting around ( haha) and I finally watched Australia (you know, with Nicole Kidman), which wasn't too bad. We also went and saw the ‘Jumping Crocs’ … As soon as you get on the boat, you are greeted by this

just waiting patiently beside you. They get these crocs to jump up out of the water for a piece of meat . It was freaking me out that they were just swimming around the river!

We are on this little tin boat, all hanging over 1 side, and the crocodiles are doing this

Does this seem CRAZY to anyone else?Also crazy? The fact that the tour guide dude let JAI drive the boat (okay, he didn't do too badly until the crazy 180 turn).. So somewhere, there is tourists (including one dare-I-say really really slightly annoying American couple) with pictures of the ‘crazy Aussies’ who let kids drive boats.

 

And the final night, we watched the sunset on the beach, people applauded. Seriously. Applauded. 

After a 4 hour flight home (at 1:45am) I slept for about 2 days.

***On a bean note- I feel much more secure the last day or so. Im not sure why, but am all of a sudden feeling confident that the bean is fine.( and it may be my imagination, but did I feel that tiny tap-tap a day or so ago??)  The bleeding stopped about 3 days ago, I have another ultrasound in 2 days, all fingers and toes crossed. ( Im also going for a 3D ultrasound!

I am going to watch The Business Of Being Born tonight, homebirth is crossing my mind. Is that totally crazy??? ***

Excuses,excuses….

Im still here. With more excuses as to why I havent been here… Still preggers. 16weeks and 1 day to be exact. Still bleeding. And when I say bleeding, I mean literally pouring blood sometimes… I so want to be happy, excited, blogging about the bean every day, but just cannot relax. Aaaah bean,  I want you so badly, must you scare me this much?? And i think because I lost my last baby at about this stage, I am walking on eggshells even more so. 

 

((and so far my least   fave comment when announcing my pregnancy??? “Oh No” Its comments like that that make me so ANGRY /DEPRESSED. WHY would you say that????))

Anyway, Im starting over.. the amount of blogs I have to catch up on is overwhelming, and at the moment i just want to curl up with my babies not answer the phone, or even turn the computer on. Which in turn, makes me feel guilty. So ill just start from today… and please know that all of you mean so much to me, your comments and prayers, i guess i feel like ill be jinxing the bean if I talk about him/her.

I have another ultrasound next week, I have been to the doctor, who assured me that the bleeding cant hurt the bean, but how can I be excited about being pregnant when Im still constantly buying pads?

Kimber, i miss you, and will email you later ..  I am an awful awful other side of the world friend, i am so self involved/bean involved at the moment, but I am thinking of you often. xxx

In other, non-bean/ depressed me news, the boys and I just got back from Darwin, a visit to Jais beloved godfather, and my gorgeous mate, Jacob.. I needed the break, and have many photos to blog later. And only spent 80% of the time bleeding, and only 1 night crying ( thanks for listening Jake) …

So there it is, more excuses. If you are a new follower, please introduce yourself (again) and ill follow you too, and my old faithful followers, i hope you can understand.. I truly was dreaming about getting pregnant and blogging it all, but its not the final, dream, trouble free pregnancy I envisioned.