Just because

Im so excited…..

http://www.swimfactory.com.au/

all these photos are MINE!!!

and……im upgrading my camera….

its a Canon *drool*

see you with many many pictures tomorrow xxxx

Luka

{yes,he's chucking  a tanty}

So, do you like stuff?

Yep,its a Simpsons reference. One I use a lot actually,when there's one of those awkward silences probably should have gone with Weekly Wrap Up {even though its only Thursday} but ,well, boring! I figure if this is my ‘diary’ I should start writing our ordinary things, which i want to remember just as much as the major things.

We finally got the yard mowed, not such a huge deal, but made me feel so much better after finding the 5ft snakeskin on our back veranda. Normally snakes don't bother me, and never have, but come on ! The back veranda!

Sports days. 2 of them.Little kids and big kids. And tomorrow is BVSSSA  {so much fun to say lol} – Brisbane Valley Small School Sports Association,inter-school sports. Dakota for discus and Rani for sprints. We will head out early,and be home late. Will be very interesting to see how Luka and Eden behave,I'm always chasing Luka around when we are out….

Did I tell you Cara is working? Yes , that's right, I am the parent of a working person! Just Sundays at the moment, but she will work towards getting her Retail Certificate, which is great for her!

Dakota has been performing in Oliver, I'm  going to see it Saturday.I went and saw the full dress rehearsal,it was great! I'm so proud of her, committing herself to rehearsals for so long, and getting up there on stage and singing. She plays one of Fagan’s gang and also is in the choir.

Rani and Luka are being little terrors,as usual. And when did Luka learn to speak so well? Tonight in the bath,I said something was funny and he said “no it isn't”….. suddenly he is a perfectly spoken little boy,instead of my little Fatboy. And Rani has rediscovered a love for dolls. She is constantly playing dolls lately. Of course, we got rid of most of the dolls, so now she wants more dolls.

Rodger the cat is being annoying. He does not want to be an inside cat, despite the many warm sleeping places, he wants to go and kill birds. Therefore, he is getting something snipped {or chopped }. I don't think he will like it.

My Christmas shopping is already well underway. Mostly because I have been going nuts on madeit.com, and can only justify it by putting stuff away for Christmas.

And Eden. She is the most loved,spoilt little bean.

That is the new face. The angry face <3

Spoilt rotten.

And doll obsessed too

Not that I mind.I love it!

Edens hospital timeline part 2

well, here we are , part two. All this stuff happened over a year ago, but it feels as though it was yesterday. Its so funny how time goes by so slowly, but when you look back it was over in an instant.

You can read part one here if you missed it…

3/2/2010 Day 14

Today was a bath demo- and me at number 6! She is like a skinned rabbit in the shallow bath, and the first suit she gets to wear after her first ever bath is a 00000 pink stripy suit, that says I love mummy and daddy.

4/2/2010 Day 15

Today is a major event, I get to bath her by myself!  The first time I have ever held her completely naked, I just held her to my neck and relished it! It was slightly terrifying, she is so tiny and fragile. Im getting pretty good at hooking her leads up again too! She was 2030g today, so back to her birthweight!

5/2/2010 Day 16

Weight up another 20g! She hasnt had an apnoea for 3 whole days, so it looks like they will stop the caffeine and also the fortifier, as she is finally gaining weight. I am enjoying her being in an open cot so much, I pick her up as soon as I arrive, and it takes me forever to leave. Im getting hardly any sleep, but its worth it. All for her. 

I can remember the complete exhaustion. Beyond exhaustion. Even when I was supposed to sleep i was too keyed up. I was constantly crying. We were trying to get the 4 kids to school every day, sort something out for Luka ( who I was desperately missing), working around Simons work schedule, I was borrowing cars off relatives to get to the hospital, and money to buy fuel and pay for the parking ( sometimes if i went down twice it was $18 a day), trying to do all the normal stuff, like grocery shop, bill paying etc, ugh, I dont think Ill ever be that tired again.

6/2/2010 Day 17

weight is steady at 2050 today, so the fortifier is stopped, and also the caffeine! So only a few days until she can come off the big monitors!

8/2/2010 Day 20

Moved! We have moved! Well, to the other side of the room! And onto the small monitor! Weight up a massive 120g today! Dr Kate has a chat with me and reassures me Eden is doing great.

9/12/2010 Day 21

Huge emotional day. Early start, and , sick of the carpark full sign, I caught the bus with Seths mum. And when we got to the hospital, the Gold Coast Titans were in the entrance. Of course, they visited the SCN, and you know how interested I am in football (not at all). After everything died down, it was bath time. Eden lost 140g. Everyone is freaking out and I am terrified, I just dont want a setback now, when the end is so near.I call the SCN that night, as Janet promised to reweigh her. Reweigh is up 20g from this afternoon, but she has to see the doctor in the morning.

10/2/2010 Day 21

weight is up another 30g. Doctor thinks the scales were misread the day she had the huge weight gain. The last few days I have been trying to be at the hospital for 2 feeds. As they space them further apart, its harder to be there. Simon is back at work, so we are working around night shift schedule. Eden is doing really well with 2 breastfeeds a day, she grunts and carries on when i put her down, funny little monkey

That was what I greeted her with everyday “ hello, my tiny monkey” and after she was moved into the open cot and i could hold her as much as i wanted I sang Skidamarink –a-dinky-dink to her every day. You know that one?

11/2/2010 Day 22

Eden is up to 52ml every 3 hours. And…… ALL MONITORS WERE SWITCHED OFF TODAY!!!!!!!!!

12/2/2010  Day 23

When I get to the hospital, 1/2 the NG tube tape has been peeled off. Its the first time I have seen her right cheek! The scar from the cesear is so little, I cant stop kissing her! She is being moved to 4 hour feeds tomorrow, to try and get her to wake up for her feeds. She sleeps constantly, but her eyes are always flickering and she pouts her little lips and frowns.

13/2/2010 Day 24

Stared 4 hour feeds today.62ml. She only has 2 tube feeds today, the rest being breast if Im there or a bottle of expressed milk. About 3 people tell me today I have heaps and heaps of milk in the fridge. Is it wrong i feel quite smug? haha I just cant wait to be feeding her, instead of using the breastpump. Im trying to pump every 3 hours, except between 12-6am, and apart from one or two scary no milk days back at the beginning, Im doing pretty good.

I hated that breast pump. Hated it.

14/2/2010 Day 25

Looking at her chart first thing in the morning, i notice Eden has had NO tube feeds, except 2ml at 2am. Then I picked her up- the NG tube was GONE. Well, guess what I did? Yep, cried!  I could see her whole face!!! And the NG tube being out means HOME!

15/2  2010 Day 26

Get to the hospital just as the doctors are beginning their rounds. You cant be in there when they are doing this, so I went down and had a hot chocolate(dunno why cos it was about 32 degrees, I am fully acclimatised to the air-con in the SCN and am just sweating everywhere else I go!) When I come back, I pick Eden up and whisper in her ear good morning, and Lynn says , “Lisa we think shes ready for home. Could you come back and room in tonight?” UH,YES YES YES!!!

I gave Eden her 8:30am feed (late cos of the doctors) and race home to pack a huge massive way way too big bag, express, for the last time !!, and race back  before her 12:30 feed. She has a bath, and her feed, then we are sent to our own room (sharing with Mummy and Baby Wittle, also from the SCN). Eden and I are above the ambulance bay, closest to the window. It starts to rain after I unpack, and I carried her to the window and showed her the world for the very first time.

I must have stayed awake until midnight, just looking at her, in awe of the fact that she was lying beside me, no monitors, no alarms or bright lights, no schedule. She ate and ate all night, and wouldn't let me put her back in the cot at all!

16/2/2010 Day 27

Wake early, thinking, this is it!  And although we are supposed to stay 2 nights, after Edens great night last night. Im keen to take my baby home!  After a long morning, Debra gives us the news- Its Time!

Wheel Eden back to SCN (for the last time!) for a medicine demo (she will stay on Pentavite and Ferroliquid-iron for a while) and a CPR video, also her final bath and weight check (2440g). I dressed her in her teeny tiny Bonds outfit, and wait.

After all our paperwork is done, I pack up and wait for Simon.When he arrives, bringing Luka, we go back to SCN to pick up all my bags of  breast milk. I thank Lynn profusely, take one last look through the SCN doors, then, finally, carrying my sixth child, my fourth daughter, we leave the hospital. As we walk through the electric doors, people smiling at Eden, such a tiny little apple face peeking out of her pink blanket, under her preemie beanie that her Great-Grandmother knitted her, it starts to drizzle, Edens introduction to the world.

I cant stop smiling.

The car seat straps and buckle, tightened as far as they go, sit just under her chin.

And thats it. That was her whole SCN journey. When she was in there, this diary sort of thing is exactly what I was looking for. I just wanted other peoples experiences, and hope.

Edens early birth was caused by the large sub-chorionic heamatoma (which, I am told was caused by me getting pregnant again too soon after losing Zoran –it was only about 3 months), which caused the placenta to rupture (they removed a 300ml blood clot, and Janet said they were sucking blood out of Edens stomach almost all night).

I had been warned about prematurity, and ERM, but after the bleeding started at 24 weeks, and stopped again at 31, I had had no bleeding for 2 weeks. I was starting to relax, and enjoy the last part of my pregnancy, up until then it had been constant worry and stress. The night before the birth, I was mopping, and just remember feeling weird. I thought I was just tired!

 

The whole SCN journey ( ooh feels like Im on Big Brother- “lets look at your journey” Why thank you Gretel, I will)was the hardest, and the best experience of my life. The best because I learned so much, and because it gave me so much to be thankful for. Since her birth, I see beauty everyday, i see miracles everyday, I see good in everyday. Lifes not perfect, and its just plain HARD sometimes, but, man,oh,man, life is great!

When life hands you sticks, make a stick gun

That's what this boy thinks anyway.

 

{when he was little, I didnt buy guns. So he chewed his toast into the shape of a gun and shot me. I gave up.Caved}

Jai Ethan, number 4,oldest boy, both big and little brother. He was given his first car at the age of  six months, and that was it. The obsession began. He has added guns, playstation and football to his obsession list, but rest assured, he can still sniff out a car in a houseful of girls in 10 seconds flat!

He is in grade 1 this year, doing so well,learning to read,and giving his first book report last week. He makes me laugh. With his funny stories or words,or just his weird faces

{yeah, i thought that was a big scratch on his head too. Found out later, it was Milo. Yummy}

He is a great big brother

most of the time.

He has always been chatty.From the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep. If no one will talk to him while he is in bed, he has conversations with his toes.

He has boundless energy

and rarely is a picture taken of him not partly blurry.

My goofy first son. Gotta love him!

Just for you,Julie

Planking.

Pointlessly amusing.

{thanks Cara for the photo btw}

Wordless Wednesday

{babywearing}

I’m that mum…

Thanks Susan….

I'm the mum who….

is forever washing towels

doesn't mind at all when i wake to find Luka,Eden and Jai in my bed

loves hearing about their day at school

is very happy when hubby cooks the dinner,and we can find enough chairs to eat together

who kisses my babies goodbye and hello…. and whenever else they’ll let me

who loves that Luka loves playing with dolls

just as much as playing with cars…

who can recite the entire dialogue from the movies Toy Story 1,2 and 3..

and is currently working on Shrek

who throws on whatever is handy in the morning

and spends 45 minutes dressing Eden

who would love to have more children

no matter what anyone thinks

who lets my boys ride motorbikes by themselves

and acts like im not gritting my teeth in terror

who is in awe of my beautiful big girls,and loving watching them grow up so much.

who is sad my little Fatboy grew up so fast

Im the mum who

knows that I am so blessed to have this life….

girly girl

Yes,my youngest daughter is definitely that.

Bows or frills,

and all things girly,

like dollies in a dolly sling,

have become the new normal.

After 5 years of cars,bugs and craziness,

we are back swimming in a sea of pink.

My little muma’s girl,

can be a cheeky monkey,

and she has this big brother wrapped round her little finger.

But one things for sure,

we certainly have a girly girl ruling our family!

{   I am sooooo excited to be blogging again-in case you cant tell by my 400 posts over the last 2 days!}

Edens hospital timeline part 1

So here we are. Almost 15 months on and im finally blogging about Eden in SCN. Better late than never hey?

I have decided that i will blog this like a dairy,day by day, and ill chuck some stuff in from my actual diary that I kept at the time.

I might break it up into 2 parts as well, and a huge pat on the back if you manage to get through both!

I have wanted to blog this for ages, not just for you but for eden too. I love the idea that someday i can go, “look kids, heres my blog starting from 2005!”  But anyway, I digress…

20/1/2010 Eden Elizabeth arrives . You can read about her birth below this post!

21/1/2010 Day 1

“woken up every 2 hours for stats. Wake up at about 6am, the nurse tells me that there was an abruption, and a 300ml clot. She tells me “you were very lucky” After I see the doctors etc, get unconnected from everything, shower ( most humiliating moment of my life? being towel dried by a 18 yr old nurse, mumbling sorry about my legs, I thought I had 6 weeks to shave them)  I am taken to SCN. Eden is in the 3rd humidicrib,attached to a drip, on oxygen, a tiny scar on her cheek from the Cesar. Im afraid to even touch her.”

I started expressing that day, into a syringe. Eden is having 3mls every 2 hours, through the NG tube.

I was woken up at 1:10am, for my first cuddle. Eden is almost 29 hours old. I cry.10 amazing minutes.

Then i get to feed her through the NG tube for the first time. Cry again.

22/1/2010 Day 2

“Oxygen off, increasing feeds.Caffeine has been started for apnoeas, she has had a few, forgetting to breathe Im told. Kangaroo cuddle for half an hour, and yes, cried. again. Told Bean tonight so many people are praying for her. Also got to change my first nappy! whod have though id be thrilled by a nappy change ! Eden has such a tiny froggy bottom, her nappies are newborn, folded in half, still hanging off her!

23/1/2010 Day 3

“Im sent home with my giftbag and my orange breastmilk labels. But no baby.I scour the town for a  breastpump, and after hysterically crying at the 4th shop, I get a staff discount.(and it was still $200!) We go home, i eat, express, and despite not being allowed to drive for 6 weeks, i drive back to the hospital . When I finally get home again at about 11:30pm, I collapse in tears.

We live about 35 minutes away from the hospital, The drive is okay, mainly on the highway , only horrible when you get into town, living in the country gives me no patience for traffic lights.

24/1/2010 day 4

Bean keeps slipping out of her ID bands. Lynn put a new set on her today, so the old set has gone onto my camera bag, and onto pink dolly. She was started on Iron today, and Pentavite.. Simon came up today and had his second cuddle-the first being when she was born, he arrived back at the hospital to a new daughter and a doped up wife. I am jealous he got top hold her first, and hate that I missed the first 14 or so hours of her life. Hate that I didnt see her enter the world. Today is the worst day, crying in the nurses arms.

Also, this morning when the kids started back at school (with no books because I had to spend the book money on a breastpump and tanks of fuel) the principal told me that the school had gotten Dakota, Rani and Jais books, and to pay for them ‘whenever we are able’ . So Im sure that impressed the kids/parents, a hysterical woman sobbing her thanks to the teachers. People are really astounding me with kindness, i am forever grateful.

* I think moving here, getting the kids into this little country school ( they are in classes of about 13 compared to over 30 at their previous school) was one of the best decisions we ever made. People here just embraced us with love and assistance wholeheartedly.

25/1/2010 Day 5

Starting to get yellow.When i go up that night,she is under double lights for jaundice.

26/1/2010 Day 6

Australia Day. And the highlight is the free parking!!! Woo hoo!! When I see Eden, I decide today is ‘Day of the funky glasses’

Watching mothers come and go, I am happy for them, but jealous it isnt us.

The drive home has turned into therapy of sorts. After those first few days, I cheer myself up on the night drives home by blasting Britney Spears and Lady Gaga.

Man, I used to get so excited when the Carpark Full sign wasnt out! Like, pathetically excited. “ YES!!! YES!!! SWEET!!!”

27/1/2010 Day 7

1 week old today. Tolerating 32mls of breastmilk nicely, only throwing up her milk with the Pentavite in it. Doctors see her at lunchtime ( oooh sexy Dr Alberto- he makes all the nurses giggly) and decide to leave the lights off.

Day by day.

1 week down.

28/1/2010 Day 8

When I get to the hospital, I nearly walk past her. She is clean! She had her first spongedown at 2:30am, and was weighed for the second time. She is 1.77kgs ( 4 pounds)

29/1/2010 Day 9

Eden has lost another 20g.

At 6:15pm tonight, I was able to breastfeed for the first time. It took her a while , but she had about 15 minutes worth.

yes, again, cried. actually, sobbed.

30/1/2010 Day 10

Routine…

up,express,hospital,home,express,hospital,home,sleep.

Repeat daily

31/1/2010 Day 10

When I call SCN (every morning between 6 and 7) I am told Bean had a bottle!

She is still holding at 1750g, so fortifier has been started.

1/2/2010 Day 12

Bean gained 60g. Porker:)

2/2/2010 Day 13

Just another day (with two breastfeeds!!) when Debra announces its time for an open cot!Of course , all the gorgeous clothes I bought for her are miles too big, so she is dressed in scratchy ugly hospital clothes. But hey… OPEN COT!!!!!!

She has gained another 60g, and today was her last apnoea.

On the way home, I hit the shops, and buy 5 miniscule outfits and a jumper for a teddy bear that fits her perfectly! I love shopping but it feels so wrong to be shopping without her, shes not safe inside me and i dont have her in my arms.

you know, 13 is my lucky number!

 

Well, there, halfway done,stay tuned for part 2!

Dear Bean

*here is your waaaay overdue birthday post my love*

When i first realised you were there,snug inside me

I knew there was something truly special about the baby we had conceived.

You began to help us heal and grieve for Zoran.

I thanked God for you.

At 12 weeks

I thought we had lost you.

I didnt know if we would even get to meet you

I asked for help. I asked for people to pray.

People prayed for you.

For you.

Beautiful strangers showed us more kindness and love than I had ever known.

We, they, prayed for you.

That first ultrasound,me dying inside

fearing the unbearable news,

‘Theres bub,squirming  around’

hot tears of joy.

you were proving you were a survivor, a fighter, amazing.

I dared to hope

you were hanging on

I thought the worst was over.

At Christmas time,  

7 months pregnant

I used to lay in bed and stroke you through my skin.

I woke up before dawn every morning and lay in the bath with you, in the dark, the moon shining in the window, bathing you in light, the whole house silent, and felt like we were the only two awake in the world.

I got your baby clothes out of your drawers and pressed them to my nose almost everyday.

I wished we could share those moments forever.

33weeks 4 days

  you decided you couldnt wait.

on the 20th of january

at 3:57am

I woke up (thinking i had peed myself again)

I waddled to the toilet

cradling you with one hand

you oddly quiet

I looked down and saw blood. Lots and lots of blood,

I decided to drive myself to the hospital, made it as far as the Crossroads, and my waters broke.

I came home and called an ambulance.

I spent my first ever ambulance ride terrified I would lose you.

But

you were fine

fine all day

fine

while i lay

hooked up

contracting

hungry

(I crunched those ice cubes in defiance of the nurse telling me to suck them)

you were fine

until

daddy went home

then we almost lost you

your heartrate dropped

fast.

You were drowning in blood.

I still cant think about it. alarms,rushing,yelling,so many people running pushing us down to the OR, me pleading ‘please hurry’ while screaming in agony.

Morphine, out.

you were delivered by caesarean at 8:26pm. You had to be resuscitated. Twice.

On the 20th of January 2010

(no idea what time it was,sometime before midnight)

they wheeled me to your humidicrib in SCN ( I couldnt keep my eyes open, but i remember you had on a tiny purple beanie.)

you had  arrived

weighing a tiny 4 pounds 4 ounces (2.03kgs).

It was 12 hours before I saw you again.

Walking through the SCN doors,

I was led to your humidicrib,

too scared to open the ‘portholes’

I sat and stared at you

and whispered

“Hello Bean.”

Eden Elizabeth

you

completed our lives

taught us how to be strong, and positive

taught us some people truly are beautiful

taught us there is beauty in each and every day

showed us how blessed we are

showed us how much we were loved

showed us how much we were capable of

when I met you for the first time I knew you were amazing.

I knew you would change our lives.

Happy Birthday Eden Elizabeth.

 

I carried you then

ill carry you as long as you let me

One small step for Eden

Actually, it was a few small steps :)

 

and we were so proud of her!!

 

*in case youre wondering, this gorgeous dress is from Michelle at Spectacular Girl.This is my favourite dress, just begging for a ‘Tea party shoot’ dont you think?

I am completely obsessed with the Australian version of Etsy, Madeit.com , and all things handmade (just wait until you see Edens Easter present!)

Tutus on the beach

There's something about babies in tutus on the beach that makes me melt.

and even though she didnt start out in a tutu

and certainly didnt start out actually liking the beach….

it didnt take her long to remember shes a Queenslander

and start revelling in the feel of the sand between her toes

and her fingers :)

 

The weather was overcast,and after the beach we headed to the Mummy Tree Markets, Eden was spoilt rotten,as usual, amber necklaces from Bambeados, gorgeous bloomers from Wild Things of Noosa, super cute hair clippies and headbands from Amber J, an amazing tin tea set from Fairy-licious and Goblin Grunge, amazing stalls and amazing stuff, cant wait for the next one!

And after the markets, lunch, then the beach again! (we were at my sisters and she lives a street away from the beach)

 

this time, she loved it straight away.

 

And we broke out the tutu

*Yes, I know you cant see her head! But look at those chubby legs, and that saggy belly, so adorable!

You have to admit,there's something special about tutus on the beach.