well, here we are , part two. All this stuff happened over a year ago, but it feels as though it was yesterday. Its so funny how time goes by so slowly, but when you look back it was over in an instant.
You can read part one here if you missed it…
3/2/2010 Day 14
Today was a bath demo- and me at number 6! She is like a skinned rabbit in the shallow bath, and the first suit she gets to wear after her first ever bath is a 00000 pink stripy suit, that says I love mummy and daddy.
4/2/2010 Day 15
Today is a major event, I get to bath her by myself! The first time I have ever held her completely naked, I just held her to my neck and relished it! It was slightly terrifying, she is so tiny and fragile. Im getting pretty good at hooking her leads up again too! She was 2030g today, so back to her birthweight!
5/2/2010 Day 16
Weight up another 20g! She hasnt had an apnoea for 3 whole days, so it looks like they will stop the caffeine and also the fortifier, as she is finally gaining weight. I am enjoying her being in an open cot so much, I pick her up as soon as I arrive, and it takes me forever to leave. Im getting hardly any sleep, but its worth it. All for her.
I can remember the complete exhaustion. Beyond exhaustion. Even when I was supposed to sleep i was too keyed up. I was constantly crying. We were trying to get the 4 kids to school every day, sort something out for Luka ( who I was desperately missing), working around Simons work schedule, I was borrowing cars off relatives to get to the hospital, and money to buy fuel and pay for the parking ( sometimes if i went down twice it was $18 a day), trying to do all the normal stuff, like grocery shop, bill paying etc, ugh, I dont think Ill ever be that tired again.
6/2/2010 Day 17
weight is steady at 2050 today, so the fortifier is stopped, and also the caffeine! So only a few days until she can come off the big monitors!
8/2/2010 Day 20
Moved! We have moved! Well, to the other side of the room! And onto the small monitor! Weight up a massive 120g today! Dr Kate has a chat with me and reassures me Eden is doing great.
9/12/2010 Day 21
Huge emotional day. Early start, and , sick of the carpark full sign, I caught the bus with Seths mum. And when we got to the hospital, the Gold Coast Titans were in the entrance. Of course, they visited the SCN, and you know how interested I am in football (not at all). After everything died down, it was bath time. Eden lost 140g. Everyone is freaking out and I am terrified, I just dont want a setback now, when the end is so near.I call the SCN that night, as Janet promised to reweigh her. Reweigh is up 20g from this afternoon, but she has to see the doctor in the morning.
10/2/2010 Day 21
weight is up another 30g. Doctor thinks the scales were misread the day she had the huge weight gain. The last few days I have been trying to be at the hospital for 2 feeds. As they space them further apart, its harder to be there. Simon is back at work, so we are working around night shift schedule. Eden is doing really well with 2 breastfeeds a day, she grunts and carries on when i put her down, funny little monkey
That was what I greeted her with everyday “ hello, my tiny monkey” and after she was moved into the open cot and i could hold her as much as i wanted I sang Skidamarink –a-dinky-dink to her every day. You know that one?
11/2/2010 Day 22
Eden is up to 52ml every 3 hours. And…… ALL MONITORS WERE SWITCHED OFF TODAY!!!!!!!!!
12/2/2010 Day 23
When I get to the hospital, 1/2 the NG tube tape has been peeled off. Its the first time I have seen her right cheek! The scar from the cesear is so little, I cant stop kissing her! She is being moved to 4 hour feeds tomorrow, to try and get her to wake up for her feeds. She sleeps constantly, but her eyes are always flickering and she pouts her little lips and frowns.
13/2/2010 Day 24
Stared 4 hour feeds today.62ml. She only has 2 tube feeds today, the rest being breast if Im there or a bottle of expressed milk. About 3 people tell me today I have heaps and heaps of milk in the fridge. Is it wrong i feel quite smug? haha I just cant wait to be feeding her, instead of using the breastpump. Im trying to pump every 3 hours, except between 12-6am, and apart from one or two scary no milk days back at the beginning, Im doing pretty good.
I hated that breast pump. Hated it.
14/2/2010 Day 25
Looking at her chart first thing in the morning, i notice Eden has had NO tube feeds, except 2ml at 2am. Then I picked her up- the NG tube was GONE. Well, guess what I did? Yep, cried! I could see her whole face!!! And the NG tube being out means HOME!
15/2 2010 Day 26
Get to the hospital just as the doctors are beginning their rounds. You cant be in there when they are doing this, so I went down and had a hot chocolate(dunno why cos it was about 32 degrees, I am fully acclimatised to the air-con in the SCN and am just sweating everywhere else I go!) When I come back, I pick Eden up and whisper in her ear good morning, and Lynn says , “Lisa we think shes ready for home. Could you come back and room in tonight?” UH,YES YES YES!!!
I gave Eden her 8:30am feed (late cos of the doctors) and race home to pack a huge massive way way too big bag, express, for the last time !!, and race back before her 12:30 feed. She has a bath, and her feed, then we are sent to our own room (sharing with Mummy and Baby Wittle, also from the SCN). Eden and I are above the ambulance bay, closest to the window. It starts to rain after I unpack, and I carried her to the window and showed her the world for the very first time.
I must have stayed awake until midnight, just looking at her, in awe of the fact that she was lying beside me, no monitors, no alarms or bright lights, no schedule. She ate and ate all night, and wouldn't let me put her back in the cot at all!
16/2/2010 Day 27
Wake early, thinking, this is it! And although we are supposed to stay 2 nights, after Edens great night last night. Im keen to take my baby home! After a long morning, Debra gives us the news- Its Time!
Wheel Eden back to SCN (for the last time!) for a medicine demo (she will stay on Pentavite and Ferroliquid-iron for a while) and a CPR video, also her final bath and weight check (2440g). I dressed her in her teeny tiny Bonds outfit, and wait.
After all our paperwork is done, I pack up and wait for Simon.When he arrives, bringing Luka, we go back to SCN to pick up all my bags of breast milk. I thank Lynn profusely, take one last look through the SCN doors, then, finally, carrying my sixth child, my fourth daughter, we leave the hospital. As we walk through the electric doors, people smiling at Eden, such a tiny little apple face peeking out of her pink blanket, under her preemie beanie that her Great-Grandmother knitted her, it starts to drizzle, Edens introduction to the world.
I cant stop smiling.
The car seat straps and buckle, tightened as far as they go, sit just under her chin.
And thats it. That was her whole SCN journey. When she was in there, this diary sort of thing is exactly what I was looking for. I just wanted other peoples experiences, and hope.
Edens early birth was caused by the large sub-chorionic heamatoma (which, I am told was caused by me getting pregnant again too soon after losing Zoran –it was only about 3 months), which caused the placenta to rupture (they removed a 300ml blood clot, and Janet said they were sucking blood out of Edens stomach almost all night).
I had been warned about prematurity, and ERM, but after the bleeding started at 24 weeks, and stopped again at 31, I had had no bleeding for 2 weeks. I was starting to relax, and enjoy the last part of my pregnancy, up until then it had been constant worry and stress. The night before the birth, I was mopping, and just remember feeling weird. I thought I was just tired!
The whole SCN journey ( ooh feels like Im on Big Brother- “lets look at your journey” Why thank you Gretel, I will)was the hardest, and the best experience of my life. The best because I learned so much, and because it gave me so much to be thankful for. Since her birth, I see beauty everyday, i see miracles everyday, I see good in everyday. Lifes not perfect, and its just plain HARD sometimes, but, man,oh,man, life is great!